Numb

Only 5 people in the world know this.....well up until now.
I am not doing this to get attention or pity as not many people read this I am sure, but I have to put down how I feel somewhere as I dont find it easy to talk about with the people I know.
It happened in the 11th November 2011 a few days before I turned 18.....not the nicest bday present to get!
He wasn't someone I knew, just a guy I met on a night out. Before that I was a virgin (sorry if thats too much info....but mehh well!) When it happened I only told one friend. I went to doctors and psychologists on my own, and I was fine with that because I am an independent person. For some reason I thought my parents would blame me for it, I don't know why because they are very understanding and supporting parents.
When it happened I was in denial, then sad, then angry, then a series of panic attacks like my chest was tightening and I couldn't breathe. Its a very odd sensation because there is obviously oxygen in the atmosphere to breathe in and my airways are still open but I just can't breathe. Now im okay with it...ish! Its not the most conventional thing to happen to someone, but im no different to anyone else it has happened to. I am not the first or last person it will happen to......its life. That may sound cynical but its true.
I am starting to feel like giving up. I will be doing my Leaving Cert (kinda like SATs I think, biggest exam you will ever do in Ireland!) in about 4 weeks and im not scared, nervous, excited or motivated to do anything. Maybe im just using rape as an excuse not to try, I dont know. I feel numb. I feel nothing. Help me.

I dont know if anyone has read this but if you have I would appreciate a comment, just to know someone is there. Please.

Truth Time

I am a victim of rape.

internet: hay stack... me: needle

I have never done a blog before so i havnt got a clue what to write about... not that anyone is there?! if you are though, thank you.
Lying here in bed not wanting to go to sleep, because it just means ill have to get up again in the morning. Trying to procrastinate time! ha not gonna happen.
Just wondering do most people use this as a diary type thing or as an information medium?
Untill, next time i have something worth writing about