Only 5 people in the world know this.....well up until now.
I am not doing this to get attention or pity as not many people read this I am sure, but I have to put down how I feel somewhere as I dont find it easy to talk about with the people I know.
It happened in the 11th November 2011 a few days before I turned 18.....not the nicest bday present to get!
He wasn't someone I knew, just a guy I met on a night out. Before that I was a virgin (sorry if thats too much info....but mehh well!) When it happened I only told one friend. I went to doctors and psychologists on my own, and I was fine with that because I am an independent person. For some reason I thought my parents would blame me for it, I don't know why because they are very understanding and supporting parents.
When it happened I was in denial, then sad, then angry, then a series of panic attacks like my chest was tightening and I couldn't breathe. Its a very odd sensation because there is obviously oxygen in the atmosphere to breathe in and my airways are still open but I just can't breathe. Now im okay with it...ish! Its not the most conventional thing to happen to someone, but im no different to anyone else it has happened to. I am not the first or last person it will happen to......its life. That may sound cynical but its true.
I am starting to feel like giving up. I will be doing my Leaving Cert (kinda like SATs I think, biggest exam you will ever do in Ireland!) in about 4 weeks and im not scared, nervous, excited or motivated to do anything. Maybe im just using rape as an excuse not to try, I dont know. I feel numb. I feel nothing. Help me.
I dont know if anyone has read this but if you have I would appreciate a comment, just to know someone is there. Please.
